Too early for this...


 It's too early for this. It's 5:29am and I'm awake. Why? Well I'm 10 weeks pregnant and have a lot on my mind and I think the sleeping Pill I took may be wearing off or maybe the baby is hungry and it drove me to rummaging around in the fridge for an early morning snack. I know, I know. Last week I was talking about my feelings and my birth and giving encouragement for those with disabilities and this week I'm talking about a  10 week old fetus that's in my uterus. Good Times, good times. Lol. 


It's amazing how time flies. It seems like yesterday my aunt was telling me to enjoy high school because it was going to go faster than it looked. It seemed like just last week someone else told me one day I would look up and forty would be at my door step. It seems like a few hours ago I was 33, counting how many years til forty I had left and desperately looking for a new job so that I could do something more in my field than security. I did but then about a couple weeks ago, I left work due to the fact that I was starting to get sick, vommiting and nausea at full peak and really stressed out because of my fear of working in ABA. I had been struggling anyway because I debated whether I should quit my job for the long term or stay and I used this to take a break from work. My doctor had already stated that she believed it would do more harm than good for me to be working Behavior Analysis while pregnant, consideering the risk to my unborn baby, I said ok. I then expressed to my boss I wanted to take a leave of absence due to my pregnancy. I took the paperwork to the hospital and had them fill it in and then faxed it back to my place of employment. Problem solved...at least for that situation. 


My next situation is finding a job I can do. I have been looking at stay at home jobs and no hits really. I filled out applications and have no call backs. I'm considering utilizing my disability for the 6th time because I don't know exactly what I can do as a pregnant woman. I did a phone interview for a job and it was alright but both I and the individual I was speaking with were hesitant about me resuming work so early in my pregnancy, only to be dragged out in later stages due to exhaustion. She expressed to me that should i decide to wait I could do that because the job would still be open by the time I had the baby and all that jazz. I was like hmmm... what should I do when I need money? I used to see women working while heavily pregnant and I would wonder why are they working. I always felt sympathetic because I didn't believe women should have to work while pregnant. I still don't, but then how are they supposed to provide and support their own families? How are they supposed to pay the bills? Not all women can afford the luxury of being at home because those bills aren't going to pay themselves and whether you work or not they still come in the "email" and mail. 

Anyway, this is what's been on my mind this morning...bills, bills, bills. Hopefully that get's taken care of on it's own some day soon. Until then, who knows...

Did I mention that I'm 10 weeks pregnant? 

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